serious concerns

I have a few things to say.

I've having a hard time understanding reality. When you're at a low point, do you see what is real; the true character in those around you? OR do you see things wrongly? When everyone is happy and having fun, you don't have room in your brain to see anyone's less flattering attributes.

so I've lost a few friends because I've been having a mental breakdown inside. For the past few months my mind has been tearing itself to shreds, I've become extremely sensitive, selfish and recluse. I feel abandoned and on my own in all situations. I'm really lonely for love. I wish I knew what REALLY is matter with me, but sometimes you don't know until it's over. God is working with me, and it's a tough process, but I have complete faith that I will be a better human and Christian when this is over with. Friends are aware that I'm battling a war in my head, some backed away, but thankfully, others came forward. It's in my best interest to surround myself with friends who bring me up...I'm not saying the others bring me down, but I wasn't growing in any way shape or form. Spiritual growth is the only thing I need right now and I can't have anything keeping me stagnant.

I may be selfish, but I really have to look after myself right now. I've not always been a selfish being. I opened my bed to you for over a month and had no problem with it whatsoever, in fact, I loved it. Don't call me selfish because I am at a low point trying to figure things out! Don't call me selfish because I don't feel like sharing clothes. I know that they are really meaningless material items that wont even come with me to Heaven, and i hate myself for getting so agrivated over something so petty, but the fact that it's my peeve and it was continously taken advantage of...that gives me reason to feel disrespected. And most importantly, don't think I am selfish because I don't hang out anymore. I am trying to fix me and if I just so happen to feel uncomfortable in a certain setting, then I'm not going to put myself there. I've got to build myself back up to the loving person i once was, and that is not selfish. At least respect me for that.

she was a great friend, but slowly she brought me down. I had a crush on someone and she leaned over and told me that he'd end up liking this other girl. So it may have happened? So what. As a friend, you don't crash a crush. And then there was the time three guys hit on three girls..."They wouldn't hit on girls like me and Christy" thanks, really, for indirectly putting down the way I look.


I changed my password only for Nicole's sake. I don't want to break your brother's heart anymore than it already is.

I really don't know what's going to happen. I may lose you forever. That isn't what I want, but I can't say it wont happen that way. This situation runs through my brain 50 times a day and I don't know how to fix it. I don't know if it's worth fixing because nothing ever goes back to the way it was.