7.15.2005

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I'll start this post off by saying that my foot felt a tickle upon it. I looked down to find Roachy McRoach staring me in the face. Unlike the last roach outbreak in my room, I was able to smash the sucker to smithereens before he had a chance to get away. Hopefully Roachy McRoach was the same one hiding in my closet, because I really don't want to find it in my shoe or dress pocket. Pockets in dresses are great inventions. Not that I put items in there, I just find it comforting for my hands to find a resting place.

This house is crazy for the moment being. We've had neither air conditioning nor hot water for a week and a half, due to the flood of America last Wednesday. No one wants to sleep here, can't blame them, can you? I wake up sticky and hot, and there is nothing but a cold wash cloth to cleanse me. I'd rather not shower than take an ice coldy. I tried to earlier this week but squealed jumped right out because it was unbearable. Our landlord is a newbie, meaning he isn't prompt on the things we need the most, especially in a time of near death experiences such as this one.

I've got a better grasp on my sadness and I'm trying to overcome it. I've been pushed away, in a sense, because I'm not on my funniest behavior and no one really wants to be around that. It's completely understandable, but avoiding someone in a time of near-depression is a doubled edged sword: it's when I need love the most. Our bible study tonight was a true blessing. All of us girls are struggling right now, and we really opened up with one another. In past studies, we try to get through our booklet as fast as possible so we can talk about trivial things. Tonight we talked about each others spiritual gifts, reminding me that I do have great qualities that others see in me, which are impossible to see when I live in an insecure state of mind. I'm encouraging, faithful, giving. Wonderful qualities I would love to strengthen. We deeply spoke about our problems; the decisions we need to make, the directions we need to go, the loneliness, the sadness we all feel. It was so wonderful being surrounded around women of the Lord who were there to listen, encourage and advise me. I was assured that there's nothing seriously wrong with me. Each one admitted that they have been in my low state before, and it just took growing up and awareness of themselves to mature into who they are right now. How inspiring and helpful for me to hear! I'll be okay one day, I will.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I like to smile when I see you. I guess it comes natural. I try (hard!) to think of things to say that will make you do the same. I'm sorry I wasn't here this week doing my job. Have a wonderful day.

-your anonymous lover/stalker/zach

lindsey said...

that sneaky roach. he knew what was coming to him. after the flashlight and shoes and closet and hiding behind the dresser, you finally got him. i can come home now and rest assurred.

im not neglecting you, nor am i not wanting to hang out. but last night when you came over, i dont remember it. i was sleepy and drunk. im sorry. i wish i ran and hugged you. when the air condition returns, so will the estrogen.